"A helicopter parent is a parent who pays extremely close attention to a child's or children's experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. Helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they "hover overhead", overseeing every aspect of their child's life constantly." -Wikipedia.
We've all most likely seen a helicopter parent. They're dropping their child off at school. But instead of just unlocking the car door, they get out of the vehicle and practically walk into school with the kid. They are at the playground constantly watching their child play. They may even be only a few feet away from the child, always following them around the park, and dictating what the child should be doing.
You look at them and might think, "Oh my goodness. Why can't they just relax? Why are they constantly on top of their child? It's so overbearing. It can't be good for the parent or child. That has to be unhealthy and weird."
Well, to a degree you might be right. It probably is not "normal". But they probably have no choice but to be that way. I'm sure that parent would love to kick back in the park and scroll on their phone while their child runs free. But unfortunately, there may be very good reasons why that helicopter parent needs to constantly be on their toes and can't relax.
I can actually guarantee that that parent probably wants that mental and physical break, as I have actually been called a helicopter mom myself. But here's why I am not phased by that derogatory nickname. And why you shouldn't be too quick to judge a helicopter parent.
Stress and Anxiety
That parent that is hovering over their child probably has a million other things on their mind. They probably have other little ones and a job. And if they're like me, they are probably trying to tackle it all alone. Maybe their spouse works all hours of the day or is in the military and deployed. Maybe that parent is thousands of miles away from any friends or family to lean on for support when it comes to her kids. All of those responsibilities fall very heavily on her shoulders and are causing a lot of stress and anxiety. And unfortunately, that anxiety is now manifesting itself in a parent that is constantly on top of their child, trying to make sure that child is okay.
Trauma
What if a parent is constantly monitoring their child because they are currently in an abusive relationship or have been in one before? What if they are paranoid that something bad might happen to their child when they aren't looking? What if that parent grew up constantly being bullied and is trying to protect their child from that experience so they can try and give them a positive, happy childhood?
A reaction to trauma could also be geographically precipitated. I know when we lived in Southern California, right on the Mexico border, a few other parents and I were worried about child abductions. Unfortunately, it was and is still a real threat and nightmare that occurs along the border. Even in parks, I would take my oldest son to play in, there were signs that said "Warning. Child Abduction Area. Please supervise your children at all times." It's a sad reality, but one some parents have to deal with.
Invisible Disabilities
Another reason a parent may always be closely monitoring their child is because that child has an invisible disability. To you that child may look healthy and like any other normal child. But they may in fact have something like Autism and the parent is trying to redirect their child to prevent a meltdown or keep them from wandering off. Or maybe their child has diabetes, seizures, or a heart condition and the parent is trying to stay vigilant in case God forbid they need to act in an emergency and provide first-aid or call an ambulance.
Whether good or bad, these are all just some circumstances that may make someone a "helicopter parent". While some might see it as overbearing, I like to think of it as proactive. Just a parent that is trying to stay one step ahead to help their child the best way they can.
Maybe one day that parent can get a nice long vacation from hovering around and making sure everyone is well and accounted for. But until then, instead of judging, why don't you go over and try to make conversation? Maybe a simple "hello" would help that parent feel less alone and more supported. A brief connection could probably help that helicopter parent land for a little bit and relax, even if they still have to keep eyes on their little one trying to burn energy on the playground.
Don't be too quick to judge because a lot of parents have stories hidden that you can't possibly see. They also may be going through things you can't imagine and are just trying to keep it together for their kids. So offer compassion to that helicopter parent, and maybe then you will understand the crazy ride they are on.
Works Cited
Helicopter Parent." Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. 21 September. 2021. Web. 8 October. 2021. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_parent
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