Having a third baby was worlds different than my 1st.
There was so much excitement when my husband and I were expecting our 1st baby. Some worry because we had just miscarried. But overall there was definitely a sense of joy. For my in-laws, this was going to be grandbaby number two, and for my parents, it was going to be the first. We were showered with gifts, cards, messages, calls... you name it. Everyone helped to make sure we were ready.
When we were expecting our second, there were still warm and fussy feelings coming from friends and family. A little more lukewarm, but the happy emotions were still palpable. People still reached out to make sure we were okay, and to see if we needed anything.
However, when I was pregnant with our third- crickets. It's like no one cared. Yes, the immediate family and a handful of relatives reached out to us with messages and calls. And when we posted a Facebook announcement about it, we received a couple of positive reactions. But overall, muted. Definitely muted in comparison to my other babies.
I get it, another boy. But he's still his own person! People acted like they were watching an overdone magic show. ("Ah, the old pull a rabbit out of a hat trick again." *Roll eyes.*)
They weren't really interested in knowing how far along I was, or how we were doing, or really anything at all. It was as if I weren't even pregnant. Even though, that was far from the case.
I was very much pregnant. And like my former pregnancies, there were days I was hospitalized because of complications. But of course, not many knew because no one really reached out. And I didn't announce it on social media because let's face it, what's the point? If people aren't willing to share in the joyous moments, what's the point in humbling yourself and venting publicly?
Sometimes I regret not being more open about my 3rd baby boy's pregnancy. But having the reception not feel so welcome, really made it hard to share my feelings on the matter. So I clammed up and just kept trudging through, praying everything would turn out okay.
(I highly recommend no one do this! I do recognize that this was probably one of the reasons I developed post-partum depression midway through the pregnancy. I'll talk more on that in another post.)
With the third, there was no baby shower. No one even asked if I would be having one. I'm sure everyone assumed that because it was our third and another boy, that we had everything we needed. And for the most part, we did. But again, it comes down to him being his own person. Just reaching out to ask would have been nice!
So please, whether someone's having their first baby or tenth, please make that pregnancy and baby feel special! Because they are. Everyone should have a nice, warm welcoming party coming into the world.
A mom should feel encouraged and supported, no matter what number pregnancy it may be. Every pregnancy is hard and has its challenges. All women should feel loved and empowered going through an always life-changing experience. Show support and help prevent all moms from feeling the pain and loneliness I went through. No one deserves that.
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